Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Molly and the Bad Mood

Ever get that "the weight of the world is on my shoulders" feeling? The one where when someone suggests changing a picture hanging on your wall, you end up slamming doors and refusing to come inside the house?

Well, welcome to my world the past few days.

It seems like everything is piling up all at once: student loans that need to start getting paid off after not being aware that they existed, a full semester's tuition to start scrounging for, a bunch of race related expenses looming in the near future, a ton of work at the office that is going to take up most of my free time in the coming weeks, the nannying job that I love so much being over in August because the family is moving, having some kind of godawful sinus infection that's been coming back pretty much monthly for the past 5 months or so, sore legs from something, either track or weight training, an apartment that needs some serious cleaning and repairs, stuff for the cycling team that I need to do but I need other people to start cooperating, and being bogged down with Ironman training. Not to mention friends that have been either busy with finals, missing in action, or just aren't hanging out anymore. So yeah, I'm in a bit of a bad mood. Not even bad, just... and I hesitate to say it, but depressed. Normally I can snap myself out of it, but lately I've been in a bit of a funk and I'm having a tough time getting out of it.

Hence, the lack of posting. I prefer to post less pessimistic things, since I don't like being bummed out and therefore prefer to not write when I am. But I figured an update and explanation was in order, and frankly, I had a desperate need to vent.

Also, I have to admit: I cannot wait to be done with Ironman. It's one of my life goals, and I would kill to race at Kona, but Ironman is just not where my heart is. Give me sprint or Olympic distance, let me go fast!!

Which leads me to the one major high point in my life at the moment. I never thought I would say it, but I loved the track clinic on Sunday. There's something awesome about getting back on a fixed gear bike- I love handling them! And as for the banked corners, bring it on! It was fun, I made friends, and next Wednesday I'm doing my first race at Kissena, thanks to the fact that one of the organizers works right near me so he can bring me to the track and home after racing. Score! It turns out I don't actually suck at it, but we'll see what racing brings. I just need something to do every so often that involves going really fast... endurance is great and all but it's mentally taxing in a way short course never is for me.

This weekend I'm also doing a fun run with my 3 and 4 year old... the kids I nanny for, of course. Them, their mom (my good friend) and I are going to do a fun run, then Mommy and Molly are doing a 5k right after. I'm goaling for a sub20 min race, but with all the endurance stuff I've been doing, I don't know how fast I'll be. Plus, if this stupid cough doesn't go away, that won't be much fun.

It's not to say that everything is terrible. Things really aren't that bad, I've just been letting the little stuff really get to me. Maybe it's because I assumed that when the semester ended I would have a chance to breathe and not feel so busy, but that hasn't been the case at all. I think it's just when a ton of little things get to you, it's almost worse than having one big bad thing happen because it's so much to deal with, but at the same time, nothing particularly tangible.

Enough rambling, time to get back to the next project on the list...

Thanks for listening, and I promise to get back into a good mood ASAP!


maija said...

I definitely get in those bad moods. Hope things turn around soon!

Anonymous said...

Here's to hoping the storm clouds giev way to some sunshine...and soon!!